Friday, August 26, 2011

To Feel

Why do you feel compelled to walk away from a comfortable life? Are you ungrateful for your nice home? Are you dissatisfied with good dinners being served you, wine being poured for you, gifts of chocolate bestowed upon you? Do you not see that you have so much to be thankful for? You have a husband who loves you, adores you, would die for you not see all of these blessings? .............and I answer yes......I do see. But can you understand that while I appreciate these things, they have not brought me happiness. I have this life because I have been an obedient woman. I have done all that has been expected of me. I have put my life on hold to be a good mother, a good wife. I have allowed a man to take care of me thinking that I would never be able to care for myself. All the weaknesses that I despised in my mother I now see in myself. Are you able to understand that I am willing to walk away, leave it all behind while I still believe that there is love in this world for me? I married for all the wrong reasons, not for love......I want to know the kind of love that takes my breath away, that leaves me aching for the want of him......passionate, heart wrenching love. Can you understand this? I have been in my cocoon for so many years but not really alive. I only want to feel all there is to feel.....the pleasure, the only want to feel.