Prince of Broken Hearts

                                   Prince of Broken Hearts

He is no Prince, this collector of wounded hearts. He steals them from the most beautiful and sensitive of his admirers, 

with his charm, his wit, and words plucked from the depths of their souls and softly spoken, as if his own.. Each precious 

heart is wrapped in colors according to worth, and stacked neatly, tucked away in a darkened and secret corner of his 

mind, a place he seldom visits. But sometimes, when the light of the moon shines upon his restless sleep, the beating of 

his stolen hearts awakens him with their slow and steady tempo.....and they bleed, they bleed, they each bleed the same 

color.

~The Look of Love~

           He looked deep within my eyes and told me not to look away. I could feel him searching, peering for something that he so desperately wanted, but I did not have to give. I tried to hold his gaze......but the look on his face left me feeling empty, guilty, shallow.....I had no choice but to look away. Such wanting and neediness, I resent these feelings in myself,  how am I to forgive them in another? Maybe he is right when he tells me I will never know what real love is.....maybe he is right.

~It's Only Love~

The thing is, when you fall in love, madly, crazy, passionately in love, after so many years of being emotionally comatose, it is exhilarating and frightening as hell at the same time. You're not used to wearing your heart on your sleeve. You are also unsure of how to act, what to say...so you decide to simply be yourself and let your light shine forth. But what happens when you fall in love with someone who is not emotionally available? It's not like we can pick and choose who we fall for is it? I don't have that sort of control over my heart I'm afraid. And what happens when your friends don't really understand or realize how much pain you're in? You keep everything bottled up inside and try to stay positive and know that this too will pass, in time. It's only love...no big deal, probably just an infatuation...Life goes on. Well.....let me tell you that I suffer. I hurt. I cry....and while this may pass, it has deeply affected me for the rest of my life, because I am built that way.... But it's no big deal., it's only love...and in the big scheme of things life does indeed go on......and I'll be alright. But never, never ever minimize the way that I feel..................................................

How Are You?

You asked how I am and I replied: "I'm doing okay, you know, trying very hard, very hard." You replied: "What are you trying very hard to do?" My answer was: I'm trying very hard to keep my self together, trying very hard to remain happy and maintain a positive outlook on life. Trying very hard to not stand too close to the abyss of despair once again because I don't want to fall back in for it's much too difficult a climb back up to the land of the living. Trying very hard not to love you or to simply love you and release you to the wind........but I said all these things in my mind and you never heard these words. You can no longer bear to hear my words because you don't really want to know how I am doing. I am doing okay...........and how are you? No, tell me truly, how are you doing?

Sacrificial Love

                                                    ~ Sacrificial Love~




 You ask why he chose you? Have you forgotten your beauty and self-worth? And who is he who honors you with his glance, his curiosity, his sexuality? You gave yourself to him like a lamb who lies her head down on the butcher's table, quietly saying take me....I am yours for the kill, because you have noticed me and shined your light my way when I have lived in darkness for so long. Do with me what

you will....sustain yourself from my flesh, but remember, I allowed this. I came to you with purity of heart and good intention. I looked deep within your eyes and trusted what I saw there..... you may have taken my flesh, but I have taken much more. I have taken your honor, I have taken your sense of self........now it is for you to decide, was the flesh worth the price?

Faith

                                                            ~FAITH~

I know what your problem is.......you're living on the edge, afraid to step back, afraid to move forward, afraid to make that leap of faith into the unknown. You stand there staring into the darkness of the abyss wondering if the darkness will envelope you and make this big bad world disappear, like it was nothing more than a terrible dream...... But the light above is brightly mesmerizing and offers you hope of all things possible and the fulfillment of dreams gone unrecognized, dishonored. And yet you stand there, hesitant to make a move, because the devil you know is much more comforting than free-falling into the unknown..........Where is your faith when you need it? Where is your faith....?

~ Forgetting~

~She had forgotten she could fly.......so many days had gone by, turning into months, turning into years......
  changing her, taking her joy, replacing it with sorrow, with fear.
~She had forgotten she could fly......her cage allowed little room to spread her wings.......
  a caged bird may sing but it's a song of loneliness, of yearning.
~She had forgotten she could fly......until she realized her cage door was never locked.
  It was always she who allowed her captivity. So with leap of faith, laughing, crying,
  she took to the air........remembering, flying.   <3

Tick Tock

~ So much time has slipped away. Minutes turning into hours, hours turning into days, which turned into weeks, months turning into years..... So many years slowly passing by as I complacently listened without really hearing the ticking of the clock with its second hand diligently marching forward, minute by minute, like some futuristic soldier who bears no mercy, no forgiveness..... Minute by minute, until sunlight turned into moonlight, day in and day out a repeat of the sameness, echoing the longing and loneliness I felt until it became some kind of pathetic mantra. I look back now and wonder why.....why did I allow myself to wallow in this self-imposed state of suspended animation, frozen in time, exiled from life, alive but not really living. Had I forgotten the sacredness of my existence? But of course, I knew the answer..... I dared not put faith in to love again when all I've known of love is heartache and disillusionment. Although my heart and my soul yearned for, my mind would not entertain the idea of it.....So I merely existed, alive but not really living....while the minutes turned into hours, turning into days, which turned into weeks, months turning into years......So many years slowly passing by......and then I met you, and you made me see that time, nor love, waits for any of us. <3

~Words~

So many words have been spoken. They've had years of accumulation....Many were spoken gently and filled with the promise of love and of all good things yet to come. There were words that spoke of our hopes and dreams, wishes and desires, joys and accomplishments, all an expression of thankfulness in the love we shared. But overtime, the hardships of life crept in and my words of reassurance were tossed to the wayside and fell on deaf ears. Our words then began to turn bitter and angry....resentment became second nature. our long forgotten words of love turned into words of frustration and accusations, sometimes apologies, sometimes vulgar retaliations......i can look back now and see the slow downward spiral into the abyss of marital despair. I own my share of the failure, my share of the blame....because I simply gave up and became apathetic to it all. So many words have been spoken...and they crucified me with their cruelty and condemnation. They stripped me of my sense of self-worth and self-love......Until the end of my days I will choose my words ever so carefully and speak them softly and from the heart.....For words hold much power and can forever leave their mark.~

Love Knows No Boundaries

~Love knows no boundaries. It does not play by our imposed rules and regulations. It pays no attention to color, race, religion, or political differences. It doesn't have the slightest care if one is short or tall, bald or hairy, obese or thin, single or married...... and why should it? Love only wants to be honored for what it truly is........and that is the recognition of two hearts who have once again found each other.~

Love Lost.....

Am I to feel secure in all of this, cherished and held dear.......or just a novelty.....an afterthought? No matter how emotionally unavailable I become, I will never be emotionally unavailable to you.... I feel like I'm flapping in the wind...becoming tethered and frayed. If I wait long enough I suppose I will get caught up in the wind and blown free from it all.....free from restraints, reckless abandon....