The
thing is, when you fall in love, madly, crazy, passionately in love,
after so many years of being emotionally comatose, it is exhilarating
and frightening as hell at the same time. You're not used to wearing
your heart on your sleeve. You are also unsure of how to act, what to
say...so you decide to simply be yourself and let your light shine
forth. But what happens when you fall in love with someone who is not
emotionally available? It's not like we can pick and choose who we fall
for is it? I don't have that sort of control over my heart I'm afraid.
And what happens when your friends don't really understand or realize
how much pain you're in? You keep everything bottled up inside and try
to stay positive and know that this too will pass, in time. It's only
love...no big deal, probably just an infatuation...Life goes on.
Well.....let me tell you that I suffer. I hurt. I cry....and while this
may pass, it has deeply affected me for the rest of my life, because I
am built that way.... But it's no big deal., it's only love...and in the big
scheme of things life does indeed go on......and I'll be alright. But
never, never ever minimize the way that I
feel..................................................
You
asked how I am and I replied: "I'm doing okay, you know, trying very
hard, very hard." You replied: "What are you trying very hard to do?" My
answer was: I'm trying very hard to keep my self together, trying very
hard to remain happy and maintain a positive outlook on life. Trying
very hard to not stand too close to the abyss of despair once again
because I don't want to fall back in for it's much too difficult a climb
back up to the land of the living. Trying very hard not to love you or
to simply love you and release you to the wind........but I said all
these things in my mind and you never heard these words. You can no
longer bear to hear my words because you don't really want to know how I
am doing. I am doing okay...........and how are you? No, tell me truly,
how are you doing?
