Sunday, June 19, 2011


~I didn't know I had it in me.....I used to be such a good and obedient woman. But now in looking back I can see that I was merely complacent....didn't want to rock the boat, ruffle feathers, stir the pot. I put myself on the back burner in order to keep the peace. I accepted the status quo, shut myself down emotionally for the most part, climbed deeper into my she-cave where I felt safe and disconnected from my dreams and dare I have dreams and desires when I was obligated to live this life that was nothing more than habit, a repeat of the same sense of loss and loneliness. But I did dream.....and in time my dreams grew larger than my reality. So after all of these years of questioning and second guessing myself.....I took a deep breath and said the words that needed to be said, the words that I had held back for far too long. But I didn't know I had it in me......because the pain I have caused and the suffering........oh God, I didn't want you to suffer was not my intention....and I am sorry, with all of my heart I am sorry. Am I to be the sacrificial lamb? Do I give up my hopes and dreams in order to spare another?........Maybe you are right and I am selfish, but I cannot give up on what my heart is telling me, I will not give up. Forgive me please.....but I didn't know I had it in me.......

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